Good Night
by Prince-Kitten
Summary: Anthy ponders her life as the Rose Bride and what being with Utena has meant to her.


Anthy stared blankly out the third story window of her brother's large house. She watched calmly as he walked away toward the flower fields behind the dueling arena, Utena at his side. They were talking and laughing. Anthy watched as Utena smiled brightly. As soon as they were out of sight, Anthy sighed heavily and walked over to their double bed where Chu-chu was snacking on some crackers. The room was dark, lit only by a few candles and the moon.

"You shouldn't eat this late Chu-chu. It's almost time for bed." As if on cue, the large dormitory bells sounded and signaled the time at 9:00 o'clock, lights out. Of course Akio, being temporary chairman, could leave whenever he wanted and had whisked Utena away for a picnic under the stars. Chu-chu shoved the remainder of the cracker in his mouth and snuggled up to sleep, cheeks bulging from the food. Anthy sighed again and walked around the bed to Utena's side, running her hand over the cool sheets. She sat in the middle of it and pulled Utena's pillow into her lap, squeezing it to her. She fell over, laying her head on the comforter, still holding the pillow to her.

"Oh Utena." She whispered into the dark. "Why couldn't it have been you? You were so strong. Stronger than any of the others. Why couldn't it have been you?" She sighed as a tear ran down her cheek and wet the blanket under her head. She tightened her grip around the pillow and cried softly to herself. Her quiet sobs woke Chu-chu and hopped over to where she lay, placing a comforting paw on her cheek. She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "It's okay Chu-chu. I'm all right. Go back to bed." He didn't look convinced so she sat up and gave him a little hug. He smiled and she laid him back down on his bed. She sat watching him sleep for a little while then stood and walked back over to the window. Being quite so as not to wake Chu-chu again, she opened it up and sat on the ledge letting the cool night air blow over her face. Anthy closed her eyes and thought of Utena. Her Utena. She sighed again and corrected herself. No Anthy. Not your Utena. His Utena. But once, Utena had been hers. And she'd loved it. Loved walking home with her after school, loved sitting up with her and Miki doing homework. She'd even come to love riding up to the dueling arena. She'd treasured each moment with Utena, right up until the day had come when Akio had invited them to live with him.

She'd known it was coming. It was what had to be done. Utena had to be broken. She had to be under his power when she fought the final battle. It had happened a million times over. The duelists would fight, one would rise to the top. Akio would tame them, break them to his own will, defeat them in the final battle, and try to claim the revolutionary power. Each time though, it had failed. Dios never gave up his power, but what could Akio do but try again. Anthy shifted on the ledge, touching herself gently over her heart where a million times before the first sword would pierce her. Not the only one, just the first. It seemed to hurt more each time if that were possible. But this time, this time, she'd almost believed. Almost thought that maybe this would be it. Of course, she hadn't thought that until Utena had come. Before her, it had been Saionji who was in the lead. She'd known then, if he was the one to win, he'd fall easily. So too with Touga. She'd never really though Miki had a chance to win, sweet as he was. And Juri, she had never been quite sure where Juri had stood. She still wasn't sure. But she knew that neither Juri or Miki would challenge Utena. For one reason or another, the revolutionary power Saionji and Touga sought out so desperately meant nothing to them. Utena didn't want it either. She had fought for Anthy. But now, Anthy wasn't sure what Utena fought for.

Anthy smiled as she recalled how this time around had gone. Miki was the first to win. He'd been so sweet and innocent. He'd wanted her, she knew he had, and he still did. She'd gone to him, just as Akio said too, she'd gone to him. But he'd blushed and pulled away. It had been cute. He'd stuttered about how that wasn't what he wanted, even though she knew it was. He had been so nice. He had brought her flowers, cooked for her, and always carried her books in at school. But, eventually, he got tired of it. Got tired of her doing what he wanted. Got tired of her not being her, but his slave. He'd still loved her, and fought hard when Juri first challenged him, but when he lost, he wasn't that upset. Anthy had never quite understood why Miki had been chosen as a duelist. He didn't want to revolutionize the world. The only reason he'd accepted at all was to try and protect her, to a point a of course. But then, Juri had won her. Anthy had been quite confused when she'd first moved in with Juri. There hadn't been a winning girl duelist in so long, and her habits were so different from any of the boys.

Anthy had liked Juri and felt sorry for her. She'd stayed under Juri for a month and had seen her holding her locket almost every night. She didn't want Juri to win. She didn't want Juri to suffer. Most of the duelists were greedy and mean and Anthy hadn't cared one way or the other what happened to them. Her only loyalty was to her dear brother. And it still had been, but was still glad when Touga and Saionji became duelists. She had missed Juri though, when Touga had won. She'd grown quite used to her. Juri had accepted her role as Rose Bride, unlike Miki who had insisted she be her own person. Juri knew her role, and knew Anthy's and had accepted them. She'd let Anthy cook for her, follow her around, and clean the house. She hadn't accepted sex from Anthy though. Anthy had been a little relived. She wasn't honestly quite sure how to have sex with a girl. She had slept with Juri though. Every night. They had shared the same large bed. Juri would pull her close in the middle of the night. Anthy knew to stay awake for it. She would wait until an hour or so after Juri had fallen asleep and them Juri would move. She would whimper quietly until Anthy scooted close, then she'd wrap her arms around her and rest her head on Anthy's chest. Anthy grinned remembering how innocent she looked when she was asleep. How she'd sigh and sleep calmly once Anthy wrapped her arms around her. And she did like to wake up with Anthy still there. She'd blush and snort and act all macho. Pulling away and getting dressed and sometimes even acting upset if Anthy smiled coyly at her. But every night, without fail, she'd return to Anthy's embrace. But then, there was Touga. Honestly, Touga hadn't won fairly. He'd tricked her, just like he'd tricked Utena. She hadn't liked Touga at all. He was her brother's toy, and just as sick. But that hadn't lasted long.

Akio had told him to let Saionji win. So he had. Anthy shuddered at the memory. Sure, she'd put up with him. She was the Rose Bride, it was what she did. She was whatever her wanted her to be. But it had been a far cry from the safety and innocence of Miki and Juri. He had been almost worse than the duelists of the past. Demanding her complete and utter obedience to soothe his ego. He'd done so many horrible things to her, made her do so many horrible things. The only thing she could say for him was that he'd kept her for himself. Hadn't paraded her around to others as quite a few of the past duelists had. It had been just him, but that had been bad enough. She had been with him a long time. Almost a year. She had been quite ready for the End of the World to arrive. Saionji wanted her power, and she would have gladly given it to him. Gladly sent him off to the fate he wanted. She had been fully broken, taking orders from him obediently. Sure that this was to be the winner this time, until she had come. Flaming pink hair, boy's uniform, ideals and all. She hadn't even understood what it was she was fighting for. Much like Miki, she seemed to only want Anthy's freedom. Anthy had been just as surprised as Saionji and even Akio when Dios had appeared and helped her to beat Saionji. Dios had never come out before a final battle. Not in the hundreds of years of duelists had he ever done that. She and Akio both knew, Utena was special. Anthy was quite happy for her brother. The both believed that this time was it. That finally the power of Dios would be his and it would all be over. So, Akio had told her to find as much as she could about Utena, to befriend her, to help break her. Of course she complied. Utena was just another duelist, and she always had to obey what her brother said. She owed him so much. After a while though, she really started to get used to her. She admired her, her values, her ideals, her strength. And Utena continued winning battles. It hadn't been a fluke. The power of Dios was on her side. Akio had been thrilled. But as happy as Anthy had been for her brother, she prayed each time that Utena would lose. She knew she'd miss Utena, but she'd get over it. She'd missed Miki and Juri for a while too. But she didn't want Utena to be the one. But, as time went by, Utena stayed strong. Continued to promise Anthy's freedom, and Anthy, against her will, started to believe her. Then Touga had won. She'd seen the shock in Utena's face and had been shocked herself. But she'd taken it in stride. That night she'd gone home with Touga. He hadn't seemed to have changed a bit. She slept alone. He'd been arguing with his sister. Besides, he thought he had all the time in the world to play with her. So had Anthy. Especially the next day at school when she'd first seen Utena in her dress. She'd felt bad. Actually felt bad for breaking her like that. She'd been surprised at that, but not half as surprised as when she realized that she missed Utena. She really did, she knew that it had to end bad, but she'd missed her.

Anthy smiled remembering how happy she'd been when Utena had challenged Touga. She'd given her power to him and his sword, she hadn't had a choice. She was the Rose Bride, and se had to stay loyal to the victor. But as she had watched that fight, seen Utena suffering for her, she had felt a tear slip out and had watched as the power flew out of Touga's sword. Dios had returned to Utena, and she had won. Anthy couldn't remember being happier. It was about that time though that Akio had decided it was time to step in. She and Utena had moved in with him and that's when he had begun to move in on Utena. Anthy shouldn't have cared. It hadn't bothered her when he controlled Touga, or even Saionji, and it had taken her a while to realize why it did now. She believed in her. She actually believed in her. Anthy knew that in her heart, or what was left of it, she believed and wanted Utena to do it. To win and to free her. A selfish thought of course. It was her own fault things were like they were, but still she had. And she'd felt something, really felt something each time Akio broke more of Utena. Pain. Not the sort Saionji had given her, not the kind that the swords gave her, but real pain, in her soul. Just like she'd felt when she had first tried to save her brother. She hadn't felt that in so long. It had shocked her when she first realized. But now, she almost welcomed it. It made her feel alive. More than she had been in so long. At the same time though, it meant that Utena would win, but just as the others had. Akio would beat her, if she fought at all, and the power of Dios would once again be his. That hurt too. She didn't want Utena to go through what she would. But, it was necessary. Her brother was all that mattered, right? Well, he used to be.

Anthy shivered as a strong gust of wind blew into the room. The air smelled of roses. Anthy closed the window and tucked Chu-chu in a little more. Silently, she started to change for bed. Peeling off the skirt and stockings one at a time. As she undressed, she thought of her brother. And how, once, she had loved going to him. How she had been honored that he would touch her after all she'd done. How he was all that mattered. But, she no longer smiled when she went to him. She went out of obedience and loyalty, not out of the intense love she'd once felt. She still obeyed him. Set up he and Utena, followed his orders, but that too was out of loyalty, not love. She owed her brother obedience. And, even as Utena was turned more and more from the strong prince she'd first met into a princess, she still longed for them to leave together. Her and Utena. Away from all this trickery. She laid down in her bed and stared at Utena's empty pillow. The tears had long since dried and hadn't left any spots. She felt the house shake from a door shutting and couldn't help a smile. Utena was back. She heard them walk up the stairs and separate at the door. It opened and shut gently and in the darkness of the room she watched Utena dress for bed. She was attracted to Utena, she knew she was. And sometimes, she wished Juri had called for her in that way, just so she could know how to please Utena. Her pink haired prince laid down in her own bed and Anthy smiled softly.

"Did you have fun Utena-sama?" She asked quietly and felt the girl jump.

"Anthy? You're awake? You scared me."

"Sorry Utena-sama."

"Don't apologize Anthy. It's okay. And yes, I had a great time. Your brother's... nice." Anthy closed her eyes tightly and squeezed out a happy voice.

"Yes he is Utena-sama."

"Did you have a nice night Anthy?"

"Yes Utena-sama. I played with Chu-chu and stared at the stars."

"That sounds nice Anthy." Utena whispered sleepily. She held out her hand and Anthy grasped it.

"Good night Anthy." Utena whispered.

"Good night my Utena." Anthy whispered back as she felt Utena's hand go limp. She settled down under her covers and squeezed Utena's hand. Smiling when she felt Utena squeeze back. She closed her eyes and succumbed to the darkness, dreams of freedom dancing her head.


End file.
